University student Bronwyn contemplates how her friendship with Tyler will be affected by being far apart; and wonders why a gift Tyler gave her feels so meaningful.
Knit More Closely Than You Know
It’s New Year’s Eve, but I’m in no partying mood. After finally getting out of bed at 10:30, I
scarf down my breakfast of strawberry yogurt and string cheese, and put on my cranberry red
polyester sweater. My friend Tyler bought this sweater for me three weeks ago, and right now as
I’m staring out the window, I stop and think a little more about this than usual, because today is
actually her birthday.
I remember the day. Tyler couldn’t stay in her apartment because she was having the carpet
replaced. December 10 is actually my birthday, and she surprised me with that new
sweater. Mind you, I really don’t like surprise gifts, because then something I wasn’t prepared
for is left in my care. But somehow, this surprise gift feels different. It feels…great! I said to
Tyler, “Yeah, the cranberry red color is great! I should probably dig through my closet and find
those green pants to go with it.” I just stood there for a minute, running my fingers along the
sleeves of the sweater, clutching it against my chest to really get a feel for the material. But then
she got this…hesitant look on her face. “Bronwyn, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you about this
before, but…I’m going to study abroad in Germany.”
“Wait, what? Why didn’t you tell me until now?”
“I didn’t want to tell you until I was 100% sure I wanted to go. Sorry, I really should have told
you when I was first considering it. I’ll be gone for the whole quarter.”
“Until MARCH?!”
“Until March 31, yeah.”
Tyler and I talked about the arrangement a little more; we’d email each other every chance we
got, but we could really only make phone calls between 8AM and noon Pacific Time because of
the time difference. What I didn’t tell her was that I was (and still am) worried about how
spending so much time with so little contact would affect our friendship. We see each other all
the time because we live in the same building and have had a few classes together. How will we
reconnect after we haven’t seen each other in person for several months?
And then, the day after Christmas, off she went to Süßes Tal. Such a nice name for a town,
whatever it means.
So now I’m just sitting by the window, staring distractedly at the time zone map on my
phone. Why are places like India on the half hour, anyway? I’m still not used to not having
Tyler around. Maybe that’s why I’ve been wearing this sweater every chance I get-it makes me
feel this weird long-distance connection.
Tyler always knows how to help me feel encouraged when I’m having a rough day. Now if I’m
having a rough day, I can wrap my arms around myself in a sort of self-hug, and close my eyes to
imagine Tyler standing there, and then I can just have a quiet moment to myself and ask: “What
would Tyler say to me? What would she do?”
I keep it on the top rack of my closet so it doesn’t get mixed up with the rest of my stuff. If I
did misplace it, I’d be understandably miffed. Yeah, my closet’s pretty cluttered, but I never lose
anything because I always just stuff it back in my closet. I’d feel pretty stupid for misplacing it,
and then I’d be pretty embarrassed to have to explain to Tyler that I lost it. She’d totally
understand-she’s really cool like that-but still, it would be embarrassing.
Or what if I knitted a second one, a backup? That would actually be really fun! I bet I can find
the same cranberry red color at Gosh Yarn It!, and I’m great at knitting. Tyler taught me
how. And somehow, since Tyler was the one who taught me how to knit, I think I’d still get that
long-distance connection feeling from wearing the second one, because it will have been made
possible by something she taught me how to do. I’ll still have something I find valuable, and
hey, if I don’t misplace the first one, I could give Tyler the second one! Am I wearing it too
much? I don’t want it to wear out too fast. What if I just left it in a drawer where it won’t get
dusty, and only wore it on important days? Would it feel more special that way, or would it feel
more special if it was something I wore regularly?
And what if I end up changing my mind and deciding I don’t really like having this surprise gift
either? I could donate it or sell it, and it would feel good passing it on, as long as I knew it
would still be put to good use. But whatever I do with it-keep, donate, try to add decoration to it
(can you iron stuff onto polyester?)-I’d have Tyler to thank for making it all possible.
The more I think about it, it’s not so much the sweater as it is the thought that Tyler wanted to
give me something, a bright spot just before she headed off. She knows me well and…
Whoa. The way I think of Tyler has surpassed “friend”, hasn’t it?
