Who is the first person you turn to when seeking life advice? For me, it’s Vivian Burks. Despite being my Nina (godmother in the Chamorro culture), I consider her much more than that. Growing up, she was a positive role model who always had my best interest at heart. Whenever I needed tough love, she provided it, even if I wasn’t open to receiving it. Her positive outlook on life and how she presents herself have always inspired me to be the best version of myself. I got the opportunity to hear about the many trials and tribulations she faced in her life and how she continues to overcome challenges daily. By the end, I learned that the older generation’s knowledge should not be taken lightly because chances are, they’ve gone through what you have. I believe that the wisdom gained by listening to the people who came before me will live on in my children and future generations to come. The challenges we discussed throughout the interview included moving to a new environment, managing living costs in a fluctuating economy, balancing work and personal life, nurturing a successful marriage, and overcoming the most challenging experience: grief.
During my Nina’s childhood, she experienced a lot of moving around because of my grandpa’s career in the army. She recalls that it was difficult having to say goodbye to her friends every couple of years. Eventually, she was able to change her mindset and look at it as an exciting opportunity to make more friends. At nineteen, she married my Nino, Sonny Burks, a United States Air Force member. Their first home together was in New Mexico, and she wasn’t too excited about the desert-like climate. She remembers that finding a new house and job was quite tricky because they were new to the area. Her confidence in my Nino’s ability to take care of her in New Mexico contributed to their successful first move as a married couple. She believes that having an “open mind, embracing change, and researching things to do and see in your new location” are great ways to familiarize yourself with your new surroundings and try to gain a sense of comfort in a place that will be your home.
When dealing with economic changes, my Nina is adamant that “having a budget and knowing your finances” can help you manage the cost of living. I remember when I moved into my first apartment, I was irresponsible with my money and never put some aside for emergencies. One day, my car broke down on my way to work. I was shocked that the repairs cost more than my rent! Because I overspent, I had to take money away from my budget for necessities. My Nina states that needs and wants are two separate things and that it’s important to know the difference between them when handling your finances. If you can save a small portion of each check, you can build your savings for emergencies and what you want. I’ve discovered that no matter how much the cost of living goes up, you can overcome financial hurdles by practicing self-discipline in spending and setting aside funds for unexpected expenses like car repairs.
Balancing work and personal life is challenging for many people, including myself. I’m committed to balancing these roles effectively while maintaining my well-being because I want to be the best mother, wife, and student I can be to be a positive role model for my children. My Nina believes the best way to achieve balance is to set boundaries and “be present at work and manage your time so that you can be present in your personal life and not bring work or the stress from work home.” You also want to be mindful that you aren’t bringing personal issues to your workplace because it can hurt your job performance. The ideal balance between personal and work life is also essential for a healthy marriage. She states that being “loyal, trustworthy, honest, compassionate, family-oriented, and having integrity and strong values” are qualities that help build a healthy foundation for marriage. She recalls how my Nino possessed these values and more, leading to their happy marriage of nearly thirty years. To be in a prosperous and fulfilling marriage, you must be open to communication and compromise. I’ve been with my husband for ten years. Maintaining a strong bond while raising our children takes dedication. Being able to work together as a team to achieve our goals is important to me. My Nina claims that “having an understanding of each other and working through life lessons and challenges together” is what it means to be in a prosperous and fulfilling marriage. The takeaway from this lesson is that you can expect a happy marriage if you’re both on the same page and willing to make the necessary sacrifices.
Grief looks different for everyone, and we all process it in our own way. For my Nina, her most challenging obstacle was when she experienced the pain of losing Grandma (her mother) and my Nino within a year of each other. She says, “I can’t say I have overcome the grief and heartache, and that’s okay.” Despite her feelings of sadness and grief, she chooses to focus on the precious memories that she shared with them. Listening to her speak on this, I learned that it’s okay to experience those heavier emotions because prolonging grief can prevent you from being able to enjoy life and live in the present. I feel confident that anyone going through the stages of grief can benefit from what she’s saying here. When you focus on the good times, you can find the strength to be present and grateful for the family still here. “Embracing the love and support of family and friends” gives her the strength to keep going and to process complex emotions in a healthy way.
In conclusion, this interview reminded me how much of an inspiration my Nina is to me. Her advice resonates with me because she’s overcome situations that I’m facing now. She made the most of each opportunity because of her willingness to adapt to new environments. She’s lived through fluctuating economies because she is disciplined with her finances. When it comes to balancing personal and work life, she makes self-care a priority and focuses on being present in the moment. Her marriage stood the test of time because she and my Nino were willing to compromise and be transparent with one another. Although we will never overcome the passing of our beloved Nino and Grandma, my Nina is able to find the strength to keep going by choosing to remember the happy times they shared together. Ultimately, I learned that navigating life’s toughest challenges with the help of those who came before you can guide the next generation to move forward with confidence. The wisdom my Nina leaves behind motivates me to be the best role model for my kids, just as she was for me. I am dedicated to incorporating these valuable lessons into my life because I genuinely believe they can help forge a brighter future for me and my family.
